Articles by James McConachie

I was hissed at once in a comedy club (I was performing stand-up) for telling a gag that went something along the lines of “My neighbour’s finding it difficult to come out of the closet. (read more)

I caught the closing minutes of a TV property show last night. A couple had chosen (for couple, read girlfriend) the new home they were going to move into, with the main criteria being she (read more)

Neuroscience reveals the brain’s love pleasure chemicals are usually released for 1½ to 3 years max. In other words, being in love should last you roughly as long as your next mobile phone handset. But (read more)

There are countries where little boys and little girls grow up to marry their mums and dads. The UK is one of them. It may sound wrong, very wrong, but it’s human nature. So that (read more)

When writing fictional characters, a basic rule is females say it, males show it. In the real world this reveals itself most dramatically when men and woman date, then stop. He’ll often just vanish without (read more)

Picture a clothes shop: A customer walks in, eyes a garment, tries it on, says they love it, tells the assistant they’ll definitely be back tomorrow to buy. They’re never seen again. Fickle? Polite? Hit (read more)

Picture this: An Oscar-winning super producer, a TV network super suit, their brand new Central London indie offices, and me in the hot seat (it’s still warm from the legendary actor who’s attached to their (read more)

Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Robert Pattinson Name-drop a celebrity in a digital headline and extra clicks are guaranteed. They’re like the sugar that tempts mouse-holders to nibble at your first few lines. After that… Well, a story (read more)

“How old are you? And are you married with children?” I was asked by a potential client last week in Canary Wharf. My top of the range anti-wrinkle cream allowed me to subtract vainly for (read more)

I used to live across the street from Hamburger University, where McDonalds teach staff the innermost secrets of the McMuffin, Happy Meals and Going Large. Unusually for a seat of learning, it was perched above (read more)

Back in the sixties, teenage girls in their thousands would cram into concerts given by The Beatles and scream hysterically from first note to last. The songs were seldom heard. Those teens could obviously have (read more)

During a party thrown to celebrate my 2nd birthday, apparently, my Grandma asked me the big question “Where’s Daddy?” I’m told my response was to point over to a framed photo on the mantel. The (read more)

So it’s Tuesday morning and I’m writing copy from home for a tobacco firm. What makes it worse ethically and karmically is they’re global. Plus I’ve just noticed the words tobacco and taboo look spookily (read more)

I’ve never been to Mumbai, but if their train journeys into work are less overcrowded than London’s, I may outsource myself soon. Plus a mutant insect flew into my mouth I guess I’d never make (read more)