| Art

Trace Elements: Twister

I’ve never been to Mumbai, but if their train journeys into work are less overcrowded than London’s, I may outsource myself soon.

Plus a mutant insect flew into my mouth

I guess I’d never make the grade though as Call Centre staff. They’re always so polite and helpful, aren’t they, when you ring and it’s India? Perhaps it’s easier to not get riled by rude phone customers if their rudeness doesn’t arrive in your first language.

So another morning of standing like I’m playing competitive Twister on the Jubilee Line. Plus a mutant insect flew into my mouth. My suspicion is it hatched from that beardy bloke next to me – who was taking up twice his space due to holding The Guardian out wide.

An article I noticed said that, despite the health risks, Starbucks add 25% extra caffeine to boost customer retention. How can these people sleep at night?

Read more of James McConachie's Trace Elements every Tuesday. 


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