There are countries where little boys and little girls grow up to marry their mums and dads. The UK is one of them. It may sound wrong, very wrong, but it’s human nature. So that includes you. Straight, gay, black, white, Catholic, Hindu – your perfect partner is one of your parents.
Before you freak, it’s not physical love with mum or dad that’s written in your stars. More a compulsion to replicate the needs they’ve created within you.
To explain: Step back in time. Which of these scenarios seems more familiar?
(1) Daddy’s working long, hard hours. He comes home exhausted, wants to eat and have adult conversation about his rotten day. There’s little you not getting his attention. Did you do something wrong that’s made Daddy stop loving you?
(2) Mummy’s fed you, dressed you, told you that you’re special. However, the outside world doesn’t act like it thinks so. But Mummy’s cuddles and caring words make the outside world not matter.
Basic opposites, both creating patterns of need only psychotherapy can erase. And we Brits don’t go in for that shrink malarkey. Therefore, in our natural search for the ideal mate, that “you complete me” utopia is pre-programmed to be found through a behavioural clone of Mummy or Daddy.
So who did you choose?
Read more of James McConachie's Trace Elements.